Sick Of Relationship Drama? Follow The 10 Commandments For A Happier Union

You are just fed up.  The constant arguing. The passive-aggressive remarks. The unending criticism.

If you feel that having a drama-free relationship is just a fairy tale, think again.  Yes, every relationship will have its share of ups and downs, but it is possible to have more mountains highs than valley lows.

The following are 10 commandments couples need to follow that will pave the way for more loving, healthy and harmonious relations:

• 10th Commandment - Learn the art of active listening.  We must learn to talk to each other, rather than just talking at each other.  Take time to really focus on what your partner is trying to express when she is speaking with you.  Active listening can work wonders in helping to avoid misunderstandings and confusion.
• 9th Commandment - Make spending quality time together a priority.  It's a fact we are all very busy people.  However, if our relationships are important to us, we must  spend time together. Often, it's not as difficult as we think. For example, agree to have dinner together without distractions like the television or smartphone. If you are early birds, check out this great article on how to spend quality time together in the a.m. from The Nest.com.
• 8th Commandment - Support each other.  Nothing feels quite like knowing your partner "has got your back."  That certainty helps fuel our aspirations, and gives us extra motivation. Likewise, not having our partner's support can literally take the wind out of our sails.  We need to feel our partners believe in us and are in our corner.
• 7th Commandment - Watch your words.  Our words have power.  We can use them to encourage and build up, or discourage and tear down.  In our relationships, we must decide how to use the power of our tongues. Let's choose wisely.
• 6th Commandment - Forgive.   We must remember we are all human beings. You screw up, I screw up, and our partners screw up.  Learning to be more forgiving and letting go of grudges not only unburdens our relationships, but also frees us as individuals too.
• 5th Commandment - Be grateful.  We all want to feel appreciated. Letting our partners know how much we appreciate them has incredible restorative effects on a relationship. In fact, an entire post was dedicated to the almost magical powers of the words thank you.
• 4th Commandment - Say what you mean, mean what you say. It's stating the obvious, but  we can not read each other's minds.  We must strive to express to our mates exactly what we mean with clarity. Doing so can prevent much conflict and confusion.
• 3rd Commandment - Don't try to change your mate.  Mature love is about complete acceptance. Trying to change another human being is futile and counter-productive.  Nothing positive can be gained.  Enough said.
• 2nd Commandment -  Check emotional baggage from previous relationships at the door.  Too many of us have the tendency of holding our partners accountable for the mistakes of an ex.  This is the emotional equivalent of sending an innocent person to jail.  It's so unfair, and often dooms a relationship to failure.
• 1st Commandment -  Be responsible for your own happiness.  Despite what numerous romantic movies tell us, true happiness must originate from within each and every one of us. The faster we dispel the prevalent myth that another person somehow "completes us," the healthier our relationships will be.  Being comfortable in your own skin, and loving who you see in the mirror, is the most essential step in creating a healthy relationship with another human being.

Of course, relationships are as complex as the couple involved. But the bottom line is, people who enjoy the happiest relationships tend to follow these key commandments. They are vital ingredients to creating the  satisfying (and drama-free!) relationship you deserve.

What would you say is the 11th commandment for a happier relationship? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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Comments

[Tina T]

Great list Terez. Since you mention drama in your title, I think one commandment would be to not embrace drama. I know people who love drama and seem addicted to it in their relationships. They can't seem to escape and they seem to choose a steady stream of partners that ensure that the drama never ends.

[Alice X]

Support is really important in relationships. I think that knowing that someone is going to be there through thick and thin makes a relationship.

[Terez]

"Don't embrace the drama!" Tina, I love how you put that! It's so true that making a conscious choice NOT to feed into vicious cycle of strife is a great strategy for creating more peace in your relationship - and life in general.

[Terez]

Alice, I agree that the 8th commandment of supporting each other is foundational in creating a strong, healthy relationship! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!