Sexless Marriage - What You Can Do To Rescue Your Passion

"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man." - Tom Clancy

A Marital Malaise 

Even though Mr. Clancy most likely meant his remark to be humorous, it highlights a very serious issue: couples experiencing sexless marriages.

In fact, a Newsweek article stated 15 to 20 percent of all married couples are believed to have sex less than 10 times per year.

Of course, if a couple is happy and satisfied with their frequency of lovemaking, then there is no problem.

However, lovemaking frequency can easily become a serious point of contention in many marriages. So much so, that if left unresolved, sexual dissatisfation can sound the death knell for a relationship.

The reasons for sexual frustration in a marriage are numerous. Many of the main culprits are:

• Lack of time
• Family pressures
• Stress arising from hardships, such as financial concerns
• Unresolved anger and resentment
• Recuperation from serious illness

Get The Groove Back!

If you are unhappy with the frequency of sex in your marriage, there are steps you can take to tackle this issue head on.

1. Address unresolved anger and resentment. Nothing kills sexual desire for your spouse faster than harboring hard feelings.  For the sake of your marriage, decide to open up a  constructive dialogue with your partner regarding the source of your feelings.  If necessary, seek out the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist, who can help you both work through these issues together.

2. Take Control.  Often our lives are so over-scheduled that spending quality time together frequently takes a back seat. So, whip out those calendars and actually schedule time for sex. Yes, it doesn't sound very romantic, but give it a chance. You soon may be looking forward to keeping your "special" appointments each day, week, etc!

3. Cherish your privacy.  For those of you with youngsters roaming about, make sure to use the lock on your bedroom door. If your bedroom doesn't have a lock - get one! Come to terms with the fact it's okay for your children to learn mommy and daddy need private time alone. It's also crucial for you to preserve moments of uninterrupted grown-up time in order to reconnect. Nurturing your marriage will in turn benefit your entire family.

4. Re-think housework. Maintaining a household is a very challenging job.  Period. After dealing with dirty dishes, mounds of laundry, dusting, vacuuming, etc,  many couples find they are too drained to even consider having sex. In order to alleviate this pressure, consider strategies such as cleaning-as-you-go while preparing meals. This one change can help cut down the amount of time spent in the kitchen.  Eliminate strict divisions of responsibility concerning the more routine chores. Work as a team to make sure these tasks are taken care of. Also, if it makes financial sense for you, hire a housekeeping service for light cleaning. These steps will help make accomplishing housework more manageable, leaving you more time for romance.

Remember, being married doesn't mean you have sit by and allow the erosion of your sex life. Together, decide you will be proactive in keeping this vital cornerstone of your marriage rock solid.

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