How To Close The Distance In Your Relationship And Regain The Passion

The Distance Between You

You never intended for this to happen.  As you lay in bed, even though your partner is mere inches from you, you feel she might as well be a million miles away.   What happened to the long talks you had with each other until the early morning hours?  

In the beginning, not only were you lovers flush with the nervous excitement of young love, but you were the best of friends. Nothing was off limits, you shared everything. You could not imagine life without her in it.

Now, you two barely speak, but the silence is deafening.  You feel as though nothing you do pleases her. She feels you don't cherish her anymore.  Ever so slowly, you have watched helplessly as your lover and best friend has become almost like a stranger.

Bridging The Gap

Even though you may feel as though the distance between you can not ever be bridged, it may not be too late. Remember, you two were very much in love at one point.  All of the qualities that drew you together in the beginning are still there.

One of the most effective ways to begin closing the distance between you is by using words of affirmation.

Words of affirmation is not a new concept. The definition of affirmation is to announce, declare or proclaim. Essentially, you make a serious commitment to tell your partner on a daily basis exactly what qualities about her you love and admire.  However, it is vital your words come from a place of sincerity. 

The following are some examples:

• "Honey, you are such a fantastic mother to our children."
• "You know, I really appreciate you taking care of that errand for me when I was swamped at the office. Your thoughtfulness means a great deal to me."
• "You looked amazing at dinner last night. I'm a lucky guy to have such a gorgeous wife"
• "Thanks for putting up with my family over the holidays. I know it's not easy, and I appreciate your patience."
• "I love the way you manage our finances and keep everything on track."

The End Result

This strategy works because our words have real power. In effect, you are sowing seeds of love, goodwill, and gratitude into your relationship. As a result, the yield of intimacy and passion received will be multiplied 100 times over.

Again, let me reiterate that you are not paying your partner half-hearted, insincere complements. Nor should you use this strategy to attempt to influence your partner to do something you want - that motivation does not come from a place of real love, but from a desire to manipulate and control.

In order for this method to be truly effective, your motivation must come from a heartfelt desire to encourage your partner in order to build her up. 

So, begin constructing the bridge back to each other by remembering all of the traits you love about your partner.  Then decide today to commit to letting her know explicitly how you feel.

Please keep in mind that the start of the journey back to each other is just a few words away.

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Comments

[Steven H]

Very easy to follow and down-to-earth advice for those in struggling relationships! Thanks for sharing.

[Terez]

Hi Steven,

I appreciate your comment! My goal is to provide effective and practical advice couples can use to strengthen and enrich their lives together.

[YouAreBeautiful]

I think as we start out in the relationship we are more likely to feel accepted no matter what we tell the other person. In a sense we are. We are flooded with emotions that cause us to think our partner is the greatest person ever. Then as faults become more apartment all time, we realize that the other person's problems and realize that they are now aware of ours. We start to told in things to protect ourselves and the relationship becomes more strained.

[Terez]

That's a great observation about not wanting to allow our partners to see the sides of us that are not so lovely. It is the biggest peril of falling in love. During the initial phases of falling in love, I agree, we think our partner is the greatest thing since sliced bread. However when those passions inevitably subside, the reality hits many hard that our lovers are just human beings like everyone else.

It's at this realization that the work of building a mature relationship really begins.