How To Avoid The Most Common Break Up Mistake People Make

Most people would agree that dealing with news of break up can be extremely painful.   Especially when one partner is not expecting it.  It can seem as if your entire world has been turned completely upside down.

The resultant feelings of disorientation, grief and loss  can lead many ordinarily rational people to behave in very irrational ways. Far too often, people make the common mistake of giving in to panic and they start behaving almost like a stalker in order to try to change their ex's minds.

Here are some examples of such desperate behaviors:

• Continuously calling or texting your ex ("telephone terrorism")
• Attempts to make your ex jealous
• Picking fights and provoking arguments
• Showing up unannounced at the home, work or place of business of your ex

These types of behaviors are not attractive at all and very seldom work.  Often, the result is the utter destruction of any remaining good will you and your ex might have had toward each other.

The best advice I have ever come across is when you get the news of a break up, give yourself and your ex some much needed space.  How much time apart is up for debate. In my opinion, you should refrain from contacting your ex for a least a month to ensure your head is clear. Yes, I realize this advice may be cliche, but it is solid regardless.

Personally, I recommend time apart because you need it to grieve your loss and reflect on the relationship. Then with a clear head you can decide if you want to pursue a reconciliation, or move on with your life.

The most important thing to remember is to respect the wishes of your ex no matter the outcome.

Finally, please check out The Magic of Making Up, by TW Jackson. TW provides wise, solid, yet compassionate advice on how to successfully cope with a break up. Highly recommended.

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Comments

[Tina T]

I'm a big believer in making sure that you live life forward instead of trying to move backward, so I do think that's it's better to move on than to try to get an ex back. That said, some people are bound and determined to give it a try, and your list of mistakes is spot on. Being a stalker is not going to win back anyone's heart.

[Terez]

Tina, I could not agree more. That's why TW Jackson's book is such a great resource for people. Although I think he could have a picked a better title. However, he does advise people to cope with the loss of a relationship FIRST, then once they gain some perspective, they can decide if pursuing a reconciliation is the best path for them. This is one of the primary reasons I really like his work.