How Love Addiction Can Ruin Your Relationship

Being in love can make you feel as if you can conquer the world. The sun seems brighter and the roses seem redder.

It is a feeling that makes you believe there is nothing you can not do. The passion you feel for your partner burns white-hot.

And it may also be ruining your relationship.

Sounds absurd doesn't it?  I agree on the onset it does, but let's dig a little deeper.  When you first fall in love, it is often described as being "lovesick."  

That is because of the two main chemicals involved: dopamine, a pleasure inducing hormone and norepinephrine, a hormone similar to adrenaline which increases excitement.

When they combine in our system, the effect is  that heady rush we experience when we first become attracted to someone.

However, this rush of strong emotions is not permanent, so when it naturally fades, there are many who tend to think something is wrong in their relationship.

So, these individuals seek out other relationships in order to regain that dizzying feeling of pleasure and ecstasy. 

In a sense, they have become addicted to the rush of falling in love.

They abandon many promising relationships in their infancy in order to  bounce around from person to person in hopes of getting their next "fix."

In reality though, healthy relationships are those in which the initial rush of first love has been replaced by an enduring passion. This passion is built on a solid foundation of deep commitment and complete acceptance both partners have for each other.

Couples in mature relationships also understand their feelings of intense passion may ebb and flow, but their shared values, trust, respect, acceptance, and love for each other is the cement that bonds them together.

In your opinion, what are some other differences between young and mature love? Please share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below!

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Comments

[The Long Haul Project]

In that first flush of love, many people want to spend every spare minute with their newly beloved. We've found that as your love deepens, you're more comfortable letting your partner pursue independent interests and nurture other relationships. It means when you come back to spend time together, you have so much more to share. Thanks for another great post-- you always find new and different ways to think about relationships.

[Terez]

To The Long Haul Project,

Thanks for wonderful compliment! You also make a very important observation. It's true that couples in the flush of new love often behave as though they must be attached at the hip. While I believe it's important to have mutual interests, I agree it is just as vital for the health not only of the relationship but also the people involved to have separate, outside pursuits.

[Bruce Sallan]

Boy, are these wise words Terez! There is such a difference between new love and a "mature relationship." We all know men (and women) that are addicted to that "high" from the new. But, it ALWAYS goes away. If you work at your "mature relationship" you will have a lifetime of love and intimacy. However, boy I still miss that rush. My teenage son has just such a relationship with his girlfriend and I envy the newness and excitement they share. And, the other day at the vets, I noticed a young couple in which she stroked his head and planted a kiss on his cheek with the blush of new love. I envied them. But, I have not held up my end at home enough recently and that is our job, as men, as spouses, as husband or wife. Gotta get back to that! Thanks for the reminder!

[Terez]

Bruce, my feeling is most of us definitely don't intend to neglect the romance in our relationships. However in trying to handle all of our adult responsibilities: children, mortgages, job/business duties, etc, romance often takes a back seat.

My motto is getting your romance groove back doesn't have to take a lot of time and money. For example: leave the spouse a little love note where you know she will find it at some point during her day. Another favorite tip of mine is catch her off guard when she is doing a mundane chore (like the dishes) and give her a big wet one. Or, arrange 15 minutes one night during the week to read to each other before bed.

I think people would be surprised at how simple and easy it can be to re-stoke those embers of passion and intimacy.

Thanks for sharing Bruce!

[Tina T]

This is such a great topic. I do think that people think of excitement as something that is limited to the early days of a relationship, but that isn't true. The difference is really that excitement happens naturally in a new relationship but in a long term relationship you often need to work at it. Of course the rewards are so much greater when you can keep a relationship going strong over time rather than having to constantly be on a quest for a new relationship.

[Terez]

Tina, I agree with you that the rewards of maintaining a healthy long-term relationship far out-weigh the time, energy, and effort spent on an endless quest for the heady feeling of young love which is fleeting at best.