How Forgiving A Cheating Ex Will Give You Back Your Power

Do you find the prospect of forgiving your ex's infidelity about as likely as hell freezing over?

Indeed,  the harsh reality is forgiving someone who has hurt you (especially if you cared deeply for this person) is as difficult a prospect as the thought of cutting off one of your own limbs.

What is even more daunting is the realization that  you must decide to forgive if you want to take back your power - and your life.

Please understand, I realize how difficult it can be to hear this.  Personally,  I used to be an Olympic gold medal contender when it came to nursing grudges. 

Holding on to grudges takes an emotional toll.  You think about your ex's affair again and again. Left unchecked your resentment will water seeds of hatred, anger and mistrust in your soul.

You run the risk of alienating those closest to you, while also jeopardizing any chance of future happiness in new relationships.

Forgiveness is the only way to free yourself from the pain and take back full control of your life.  However it's important to remember, forgiving your ex does not mean you condone what they did to you. 

Actually, it's not about your ex at all.  Forgiveness is deciding you will no longer allow what happened in the past to control your life.

It's also vital to bear in mind that forgiveness is a process. The first step in the process is deciding to let go of the hurt from the past.  The following are steps to help you begin the journey of forgiveness to healing:

• Pinpoint exactly what your feelings are, and acknowledge them.
• Talk to close family members or friends about you feelings. Also, many find it helpful to write them down.
• Make the decision to let go of the pain and your anger with it.
• If appropriate, confront your ex and let them know specifically how their betrayal made you feel. It helps to be heard.
• Listen to your partner and try to understand their perspective. You do not have to agree with it, but you do need to hear it.
• Let your partner know you forgive them. If  there was anything you did to contribute to the problem, ask for forgiveness.
• Accept the reality that your partner may not seek or accept your forgiveness. That's okay, again this is about YOU letting go and moving on.

Please bear in mind that you do not have to confront your ex if this is not possible for whatever reason. The key is to identify your feelings, acknowledge them, and let them go.  Often that is all that is required to put you on the road to healing.

 Do you think women are more prone to forgive infidelity than men?  Please share your feelings with the community by commenting below!  Thanks.

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Comments

[Xavier]

Great post! The difficulty with forgiving someone is so hard, but there seems to be peace. I really enjoy your insight on this. I’d love to read more on this topic.

I recently stumbled upon another blog like I stumbled upon yours and I really appreciated their insihgt. I thought you might enjoy it: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/forgiveness/

I’d love to see more like it. Thanks!

[Terez]

Xavier, thanks for stopping by to leave your comment, and that link to a very insightful post on forgiveness! Personally, forgiveness has always been a struggle for me because of my tendency to hold grudges. However, a few years ago I decided to forgive an old college friend with whom I had been holding a grudge. When I forgave him I realized two things: 1) Holding onto that resentment and anger was only holding ME back. It had no affect on him whatsoever, and 2) My forgiving him wasn't about him at all, but about me letting go of the past and pain so I could move on with my life. Make no mistake, forgiving someone is easier said than done. But once you decide to do so, it literally does feel like the weight of the world has been removed from your shoulders. Thanks again for visiting Xavier, and my hope is you will become a regular reader. All the best to you!

[Xavier]

Thanks Terez! Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice to hear them.

[Terez]

No Xavier, thank you for your kind support!

[Ed The Ex Back Guy]

Great post! I think the act of forgiveness is one of THE most difficult things to do. However, once you do... and truly do it, it's like a mountain is being lifted off yours shoulders. It's like your not allowing the past to get to you any longer. Very empowering...