Emotional Affairs Vs. Platonic Friendships - What's the Difference?

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. -- Oscar Wilde

There is a lot of debate raging regarding if emotional affairs have the same impact as sexual ones. 

In fact, there are those who believe affairs only occur if a sexual relationship is involved.

My opinion is, emotional affairs are most definitely cheating regardless if sex factors into the equation or not.

So what is the difference between having a platonic friendship versus conducting an emotional affair?

1.  Boundaries are crossed.  You are focusing most of your emotional support outside of your relationship/marriage. In turn, this support is being reciprocated by the other party.

2. There is sexual chemistry.  Even though a sexual relationship may not ever develop, there is definite sexual tension and attraction present.

3. Deception is a hallmark.  If  you are lying to your partner about how much time you are spending with your "friend," something is wrong. Period.

Another tell-tale sign your once platonic friendship has crossed the line - you have phone calls, texts, emails, or any other form of communication from your friend you would feel uncomfortable sharing with your partner. If this is the case, chances are you are/have been conducting an emotional affair.

Make no mistake, the fallout from emotional affairs is just as devastating to relationships as sexual ones.

The sense of betrayal, hurt and anger the offended partner feels is the same.

One of the best ways to prevent emotional affairs is to keep the lines of communication open with your partner.

Author Michael Webb's book, 1000 Questions For Couples, is an excellent resource for helping couples spark meaningful conversations which can deepen intimacy.

So, what is your definition of an emotional affair? 

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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Comments

[Bruce Sallan]

What would you rather happen...your partner has a one-night drunken sexual escapade while on a business trip OR a regular weekly lunch with an opposite sex co-worker in which they open up intimate details of their heart and soul that they don't share with you?

Emotional affairs are as bad or worse than an occasional stolen kiss or drunken one-night stand, IMHO.

[Janice]

I have seen too many people naively get into something like this where they find the charge from the attention they get from someone else so interesting they forget the big picture. I think its a good reminder to people to think about what they are doing and what sorts of relationships they want. If you want an honest, loving, trusting relationship, you have to work to make it happen.

[Terez]

Bruce, regardless if it's an emotional or sexual affair, I feel there really is no difference in the amount of damage these betrayals cause. With either type, the result is the same - intimacy and trust is severely compromised.

[Terez]

Janice, you are so dead-on with your observation that people often enter into an emotional affair innocently enough. However, the slope quickly becomes very slippery when they abandon their committed relationships as the primary source of their emotional support in lieu of these outside "friendships."

It's so true that healthy, loving relationships not only require hard work, but also for each partner to be fully present with each other.

[Michelle @Radiant Brown Beauty]

I completely agree that platonic friendships can cross the boundaries into an emotional affair. When a male and female become friends there's usually some form of attraction. Not always but usually. Also, many times the "friends" will share things that they do not share with their significant other. There's an intimacy that's shared which should never have taken on place.

On the other hand, it's completely possible to have a platonic relationship with no emotional boundaries being crossed. Such is the case of a gay man and straight female friend. The two can simply enjoy things like shopping together with no sexual attraction whatsoever. Of course, that's less common.

[Terez]

Michelle, again I agree that the difference between platonic friendships and emotional affairs is one of boundaries. Whether emotional, sexual or both, there are certain intimacies which should only be shared between a person and their significant other. When those intimacies are shared with another outside the committed relationship, a betrayal has taken place - which is the essence of any type of affair. Thanks for sharing your insights with the community Michelle, and I hope you become a regular reader!

[Michelle @Radiant Brown Beauty]

Hey Terez- Definitely a regular now :-)

[Terez]

Welcome aboard Michelle - and thanks! :)