Best Relationship Advice My GrandMother Gave Me

Granny Goodness

Grandmothers are pretty awesome.

Having had the pleasure of spending Christmas with family made me more than a little nostalgic. Yes, it's very cliché, but true regardless.

My grandmother passed away many years ago, but it's funny how much of her wisdom still echoes in my life years later.

During my drive back to Memphis, my mind was grappling with what relationship advice to provide my readers for the beginning of the new year. 

Advice From 1985

Suddenly, my thoughts flashed back to the last summer my Grandmother, Susanna, spent with us in 1985. One day while she was holding court in the kitchen, her favorite room of the house, I asked her a question.

"Grandma, what does it take for a couple to be happy and stay together, like you and Grandpa?"  She looked  over at me with her warm, almond-colored eyes, smiled, and simply said, "Baby, be kind to each other." 

Then she continued with her task of making the world's best biscuits.

That advice my grandmother gave me all those years ago seems deceptively simple, yet is deeply profound.

Too many couples take each other for granted.  Here's a question, have you ever witnessed couples communicating with each other in such a way you found it hard to believe they like each other, let alone are in love?

Unfortunately, I have, and it's disturbing to say the least.  Yes, couples will have disagreements. But that's not the issue. The issue is people who talk to, and treat their partner more like an enemy than their mate.

How in the world can love and intimacy thrive in an atmosphere of harsh criticism, resentment, condescension and hostility?

Your Challenge For 2011 - And Beyond

So, my challenge to you for 2011 and beyond is to avoid these kind of behaviors:

• Holding onto grudges. If you forgive your partner, then forgive them, and leave the past in the past.
• Being hyper-critical.  If you are in the habit of criticizing everything your partner says or does, please cease and desist. Remember, no one is perfect. Love is about acceptance, not judgement. If you can't bring yourself to stop criticizing your mate, you risk jeopardizing your entire relationship.
• Taking you anger/frustration out on your partner.  If your day sucked, don't go home and take it out on your mate. It's not fair, and it only serves to create an environment of hostility that's the death of intimacy.
• Arguing when your temper is raging.  If you are in a disagreement with your partner that is escalating, take an adult "time out" to cool off before you say something you regret.  Words do hurt, and your mouth doesn't have a delete key.

Okay, now here are some behaviors you should begin practicing on a regular basis:

• Tell your partner "I love you" daily. Yes, fellas, say it to her face!
• Pay your partner a sincere complement often. Bonus points if you do this in a public setting.
• Lend your partner your total support in a dream they are attempting to fulfill.
• Smile when your partner enters the room.
• Express genuine interest in an activity your partner enjoys. You still may not like it, but you would have made the effort, and your mate will appreciate that.
• Laugh together more often.

Final Thoughts

If you are seeking more strategies for improving the state of your relationship or marriage in the new year, author Nancy Wasson, Ph.D. has written a very insightful book entitled Keep Your Marriage that can help. Definitely check it out.

Finally,  for 2011 my challenge to you is to follow my grandmother's advice, and be more kind to each other. Make it your intention in the coming year to create deeper intimacy and passion in your relationship. You and your partner deserve it!

What are your hopes and dreams for your relationship in the new year? Please share them with the community by commenting below!

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Comments

[Mike LaMonica]

Terez-

Grandmothers always have the sage advice and thanks for paying it forward to me.

One thing I'd like to add about the temperature is raging: Mark Twain was lived before telephones and was wise when it came to this. When he was mad, he always wrote two letters. He wrote one in the heat of the moment. And he wrote one the next morning. Out of the thousands he wrote, he never sent the first one.

Thank you for what you do and look forward to more in the New Year.

~Mike

[Terez]

What a great anecdote about Mark Twain! It can never be emphasized enough that our words have power, and can cause deep wounds.
It's always best in the heat of an argument to cool off before something is said which can never be taken back.

Thanks for your kind support Mike!

[Tina T]

Yes, Grandma wisdom trumps all. Being nice to each other is often overlooked in favor of loftier goals like improve communication etc. If everyone would just remember to use the manners that their mama and their grandma taught them when deal with everyone, but especially loved ones, we'd all live much better lives.

[Terez]

I agree, Tina. You can never underestimate the power of practicing common courtesy, especially when it begins at home!

[Lee H. Baucom]

I love your grandmother's advice, I also love your words on this post. Thank you. I have learned new things today and was reminded by things that I already know about how to take care of my relationship with my family, and especially with my better half. I do agree that we need to have control of ourselves when we are in anger because that's when we say things ought not to be said and we often regret after the anger.

Lee H. Baucom
http://www.dp-db.com/save-the-marriage

[Terez]

Lee, it's often so easy to forget to extend kindness and common courtesy to the ones closest to us. We just need to remember not to take our partners and family for granted. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[Taz @ Climb the Rainbow]

"Be kind to each other."

Such simple words, but with so much weight. We could solve so many of our relationship problems if we just followed that simple principle.

Another good thing to do regularly is touch. I don't mean touch as a prelude to sex, but a loving touch that you know your partner enjoys. For example, if they are sitting down and working, give them a quick shoulder massage and a cuddle. It doesn't take much time, and it makes your partner feel loved, appreciated, and special.

[Terez]

Non-sexual touch is one of the most powerful ways to build intimacy in a relationship. Another example of this is holding each other close as you both fall asleep. It's Sublime! Thanks for such a great observation Taz!

[George Anderson]

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.
www.fix-a-relationship.info

[Terez]

George, I agree that in relationships, as well as life in general, it is often better to give than to receive. Thanks for commenting!